Most don't. You can't say "I understand" when you clearly don't. Most of my family doesn't understand save for a sister and aunt. My aunt is bipolar as well and understands the ride you stay on. I am tired of hearing the phrase "it's all in your head". No shit. Most don't take the time to research it. If they did then maybe they would understand what you go through daily. My wife doesn't get it. As much as I try to talk to her about it at times, she tunes out after a few minutes. She won't do the research that would help her not only understand but also how to cope with it. She says that as long as your going to the doctor thats good enough for me. Yet will, for whatever reason find humor in it. I guess thats ok if that helps you deal with me, but I don't find it amusing at all. Do it away from me and not where I can hear you. I want to scream at times. I want to say trade places for one day so you can experince the pain I go through just for one day. How funny would it be then? How funny is it to fight wanting to put a bullet in your head every damn day? Or the racing thoughts that wont stop especially when you try to sleep? Or walking around fighting with the "minni me" inside? Not being able to leave the house unless I have "protection" with me to make sure no one comes near me so I don't freak out. The fear of having the cops after you and having to check thru windows whenever you hear an outside noise and having an escape plan for when they kick the door in even though I have done nothing wrong. Having to deal with the daily thought of you cheating on me even though your not. It's not funny to me. Maybe one day they will. Maybe one day the right cocktail and dosage of drugs will happen so I can be "normal" again although I don't know what normal is. Sorry for the rant.
I feel ok right now. Tired enough to sleep I hope. What kind of mood will I be in when I get up later. Who knows!
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