Bipolar and Me

I finally got help. After almost 30 years of unexplained behavior, I finally accepted it and got help. I was first diagnosed with bipolar after a major manic episode in 2002. I saw the p-doc once and never went back also throwing a prescription away on the way out. What bullshit I thought it was that I could have something so sinister. Nothing was wrong with me I thought and he was the "crazy" one. I went 4 more years with several "mild" manic episodes followed by the crash of depression ending with another major manic episode. Again I sought help after crashing again. Mostly to try and salvage what was left of my marriage. Yet although I was receving therapy, I again refused any medication. I still didn't think that anything was really wrong and just needed to get things off my chest and I would be fine. 2 more years, a few more manic episodes and then the major meltdown that is depression. Again I sought out the help I really need and finally accepted that I am sick and do need the meds. My DX is bipolar with psychotic features, OCPD, anxiety disorder, personality disorder and Paranoia. Although I believe some of this runs together as one, what do I know. Currently I take Lamactal 300 mg, Lithium 1200 mg, Seroquel 300 mg, Campral 2000 mg and Paxil 20 mg. Both of the doc's say I will get better. Most times I believe them and sometimes I find that hard to believe. I have finally applied for disability because Its to hard to work. I don't have a timeline and gave up after much stress of trying to figure out when that light will come. Its one day at a time. I started this blog to attempt to find an outlet between doctor visits and to share with tose that are in the same situation. Feel free to comment or even email me. Enjoy the blog!!!